April showers bring new horizons

i feel so free right now.
I am not sure if i had posted previously how recently i had been feeling as new skin was growing for me.
New: friends, attitude towards freedom, theories, books, lifestyles..new SKIN. haha
and i knew i wanted to start peeling of this new skin (as gross as it sounds and weird imagery as it may give) i feel tons better with a punch of stupid but i feel a ton wiser and stronger & relieved.

I hope you guys can keep up with my analogies and my train of thought.Right now im feeling all kinds of things but none which i can put into real or correct adjectives.

if nothing made sense up there i just feel like posting righ tno wjust when i came back down to earth. I hate the fool i made of myself, the vunerable girl i am, I was, i had been and probably still am.

ive been needing this and im glad it came.. although the timing took so long its still perfect.

i know the only way for any of this to be any better or to get better and back to where it could be like i pressed rewind in our aquaintences is to wait and let life fast forward into forgetfullness and some how for him to see that I never really wanted anything too much from him. I didn't want to come off too available to vying for his need. I just enjoy his mind and feels as if he deserves better.. my pity turned to care and care to concern, concern and care mistaken for like. like to lust, lust to longing.

oh yeah i figured it out.
this really scarred my brain.

"closing the bar and their asking us to leave"

I have been given the opprotunity to finally be free again. because i know that theyre happy and better and i finally figured it out. The only way i could bank all around is to wait it out and see if there will be a restart button somewhere down the line.


too much flabbergastering.

Spring is coming
=]