maybe taking back sunday will help

not feeling swell.
i think everyones in a rut.
could be caused all by the same person? or just a chain effect that i caused?

i wish i could be that significant.
to anything
I just want to write.
Write well
write with meaning, a universal meaning thats more than just shallow , ugly, and predictable and NOT spontaneous ha.


I hate everyone-say anything ...said it before me. lol


Soo i hope TBS can help.. in their own little teeny bopper way of the early 2000's..you know you love it

Halloween of Yester-year

Today i confided in a friend of mine about that & he said somethings that im definatly gonna try and heed.
I can definatly say that last years Halloween was the beginning of of a lot of things for me.
I hope that i can surpass on the fun activities that went on last year and broaden my horizons from last year.. from chilling Madison Park

Last year i was a lil ghetto dude, now i dunno what i wanna be.. rosie the riveter is pretty cool..
The halloween has a lot of hoochie clothes and my bust isnt busty enough

I am in sitting in French class..thank God we have a sub and i got on the computers and blogspot isn't blocked.
I looked at Ciro's wonderful pictures . His blog actual goes to good use.

This week is going by too quick and mad deadlines are coming up.
The college process is really annoying and has so many obstacles.
When searching for a college.. you want to try and apply for You dont know if your good enough or if you can afford it or if you can even afford it. Then the scholarships are pains in the asses..they all seem like imposisble scams. Like if you can actually do them then you earned your free money.
Then there are those essays. I just hope that nobody from college admissions reads this..that woud suck

so lets not dwell

people are so awesome.
people who you feel open for..
people who make you feel vunerable.
people who make you want to loose it all because you'd give them everything
and people who just are really good at acting & make you do all of the above

Jacques Brel

I was referred to this guy about a year or two ago and I remember I had heard it and loved it but it like escaped my brain.. then one day i was seriously CRAVING french music and i found it.
Then tonight i just looked it up again && Its only fair and just to share such great music.

CAUTION: ITS IN FRENCH with English subtitles






theres more but theyre hard to find after you leave them because i am not very skilled in French

are you filled with air?

Gallows 10/10

I came home with a fat right lip, swollen left fist, the right side of my back and body is like so sore.
My mom thinks i wasn't where i said I was...
& the only reason why my lip is as busted as it is, is because of my braces.

The show was great.. i was with even greater people. AFI though, omg it was too crowded to stay thru the whole thing. So we went to Peter Pank! =]
..my first time @ Peter Pank too

















too bad i dont have a camera to show u my fat lip- its for the better that i dont lol

i tried to do handstands for youu

October playlist by bibi-bird ? Jimmy Jaan

Shared via AddThis



i realized that i dont get to do much in my life.
This week consisted of: school, tennis, braces apppointments, annoying doctors, even more annoying customer servicemen, college essays, chemistry, bad skin.

What's the first name and last name of the last person who sent you a text message?
Kelley Kousis

When was the last time you last saw the person you fell hardest for?
Feb 20th

When/What was the last thing you went to the doctor for?
when i had throat problems and sounded like lindsay lohan

Do you remember who you liked this time three months ago?
ugh, yes.

Is there anyone in the room with you?
no :)

What's one thing that's been bothering you lately?
money problems

Do you like winter?
if i have the right clothes on sure.

What is one thing you would like to know about your future?
who will i marry?!

Was this New Year's enjoyable?
yeah..i think my favorite day in 2009 was new years

What do the majority of people in your life call you?
Zarina

If someone liked you would you want them to tell you?
sure

How did you and your number 2 become friends?
thru friends.

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?
i think so

What are you listening to right now?
Incubus

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
yup yup. and people i dont like either

Is there something you should be doing right now?
college essay; chem hw that i didn't even copy

What were you doing at 10:30pm last night?
i was probably on the computer

Do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?
my tounge and lip

How are you feeling?
sick-dizzy

Is there anything you need to tell somebody?
there is something id like to say to somebody but idk

Last time you laughed?
today in school..im sure

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
that seems to the theme of my teen years

Who is your Celebrity Crush?
any French actor.
I always had a major crush on Billy Crudup and Channing Tatum

Will you be in a relationship next month?
idk..will i? lol

Are you thinking about someone at the moment?
actually i am not =]

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Sangina

How late did you stay up last night and why?
like 12 because i was writing

What was the first thing you thought when you got up?
something along the lines of its cold in here.. what time is it? oh shit i only got 20 minutes.. DAMN I gotta pee

Are you looking forward to anything?
hopefully seeing Cassidy

Do you and your parents get along?
uhmm i kinda have too get along with them they control my life..or so they think they do lol

If Im a Bad Person, you dont like me

right? You're not a judge but if your going to judge me..sentence me to another life.
change is good..its-GOOD. its gooood.

ayoo this paramore album is gonna be up there with their RIOT album.. i know it. Its softter but a bit more powerful.

Shits been feeling cooky.
I dont know if i already had declared this or not.. but my Summer 'person' the person who my summer seemed to be focused around or to whom i feel it focused around was :






this fella right here.


i worked with him, lived with him, got yelled at by him.

lovely.

now hes being a pain.
& september... hmm i guess ill give septemeber to :



love it?




but it had the undertone of some other weasel in the midst but fuck him because i hate him

Depeche Mode said it best..

Home
Here is a song from the wrong side of town
Where I'm bound to the ground by the loneliest sound
And it pounds from within and is pinning me down

Here is a page from the emptiest stage
A cage or the heaviest cross ever made
A gauge of the deadliest trap ever laid

And I thank you for bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tears
Finally I've found that I belong here

The heat and the sickliest sweet smelling sheets
That cling to the backs of my knees and my feet
Well I'm drowning in time to a desperate beat

And I thank you for bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tears
Finally I've found that I belong

Feels like home
I should have known
From my first breath

God send the only true friend I call mine
Pretend that I'll make amends the next time
Befriend the glorious end of the line

And I thank you for bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tears
Finally I've found that I belong here

Useless lyrics

Well it's about time
It's beginning to hurt
Time you made up your mind
Just what is it all worth

All my useless advice
All my hanging around
All your cutting down to size
All my bringing you down

Watch the clock on the wall
Feel the slowing of time
Hear a voice in the hall
Echoing in my mind

All your stupid ideals
Got your head in the clouds
You should see how it feels
With your feet on the ground

Here I stand the accused
With your fist in my face
Feeling tired and bruised
With the bitterest taste

All my useless advice
All my hanging around
All your cutting down to size
All my bringing you down

All your stupid ideals
Got your head in the clouds
You should see how it feels
With your feet on the ground

Only When I Lose Myself lyrics

It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
Something beautiful is happening inside for me
Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery
I feel hypnotized, I feel paralized
I have found heaven
There's a thousand reasons
Why I should not spent my time with you
For every reason not to be here I can think of two
Keep me hanging on
Feeling nothing's wrong
Inside your heaven
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
I can feel the emptiness inside me fade & disappear
There's a feeling of content that now you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven
Did I need to sell my soul
For pleasure like this
Did I have to lose control
To treasure your kiss
Did I need to place my heart
In the palm of your hand
Before I could even start
To understand
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
That I find my life
I find myself
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself

Mercy In You lyrics

You know what I need when my heart bleeds,
I suffer from greed a longing to feed
On the mercy in you.

I can't conceal the way I'm healed,
The pleasure I feel when I have to deal
With the mercy in you.

I would do it all again,
Loose my way and fall again.
Just so I could call again
On the mercy in you, the mercy in you.

When here in my mind I feel inclined
To wrongly treat you unkind -
I have faith I will find
The mercy in you.

I would loose my way again,
Be led hopelessly astray again.
Just so could pray again
For the mercy in you.

When here in my mind I have been blind,
Emotionally behind.
I have faith I will find
The mercy in you.....

Little 15 lyrics

Little 15
You help her forget
The world outside
You're not part of it yet
And if you could drive
You could drive her away
To a happier place
To a happier day
That exists in your mind
And in your smile
She could escape there
Just for a while
Little 15

Little 15
Why take the smooth with the rough
When things run smooth
It's already more than enough
She knows your mind
Is not yet in league
With the rest of the world
And it's little intrigues
Do you understand
Do you know what she means
As time goes by
And when you've seen what she's seen
You will
Little 15

Little 15
Why does she have to defend
Her feelings inside
Why pretend
She's not had a life
A life of near misses
Now all that she wants
Is 3 little wishes
She wants to see with your eyes
She wants to smile with your smile
She wants a nice surprise
Every once in a while
Little 15.

Im listening too

BRING ME THE HORIZON. lol
aka BMTH.
im actually trying to listen to them and also read the lyrics.. yeahhh.... I just listened to Rawwr uh, didn't love it. I guess their album or whatever called "This is What the Edge of Your Seat Was Made For" just isn't my cup of coffee.
But the song Tell Slater Not To Wash His Dick is a funny name and a good song.
Theres no doubt that Suicide Season is their best album.
with Diamonds arent Forever, Chelsea Smile. the Comedown. it was written in blood.



so yeah, thats what i am doing.

I want a mo et chandon

Don't tell me lies, so is the last person you texted attractive?
he aint too shabby [Tyler]

Is anyone else in the room with you?
nope

Does anyone call you baby?
not on a regular basis

What are you most anxious/​​​​​excited for right now?
what info my brother wants to know about me

What were you doing at 8:00 am?
passed out asleep

How do you feel about your hair right now?
i need to wash itt haha

Do you get distracted easily?
kinda.. but im good at getting refocused?

Do you ever keep arguing when you know you're wrong?
most of the time but i like stop talking when i realized i lost

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
suree

Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
if its a natural one with things to be said surely

Do you like taking walks?
all the time

Is there a meaning behind your myspace song?
i have many song on my myspace & not reallyy.. just stuff i like to listen to

Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs?
why not

Do you miss anyone?
yeahh

Do you have an older brother?
yes

Have you argued with anyone today?
yes

Have you ever told someone to their face they were ugly?
sure i have..and then i got beat by my parents

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
i sure hope so!

Are you shy or outgoing?
outgoing for the most part

How did you get your last bruise?
the last bruise i remmeber i got skating

Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message from?
yeahh =/

Have you made a mistake this past week?
time can only tell right?

Will this weekend be a good one?
its gonna be a kick in the stomach

Where is your biological father right now?
on the NJ transit coming home

Is your room clean?
its been worse

What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
4 am

Do you like being around a large group of friends, or a best friend?
i dont care..good people

Where’s your phone right now?
in front of me.

Who was your last missed call from?
amster

What woke you up this morning?
my mom and looking for my phone

Have you ever seen your best friend(s) cry?
a tear or two sure

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
yes sir

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
adams bed?

Who can you blame for your mood today?
sangina

Last time you went swimming?
like july 19th?

What do you think about girls who smoke cigarettes?
if they smoke they poke

Are you drunk?
nott right now

Gay marriage?
whats the question?

Your last text says?
"yo grapefruit: making food! I am a happy grapefruit today. i feel like a pre-schooler"

Your reply?
none

Have you kissed someone who smokes weed?
once

When was the last time you had a real smile on your face?
a few weeks back..dang ive been looking for that smile for a while now

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their girlfriend/ boyfriend for you
almost.. but i have integrity

If someone liked you right now, what would you do?
whoare they?

do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
a few

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
in the end no one..because everyones got there boundries

Name a lyric from the last song you listened to:
"you hate me because i got what you need. A pretty little girl we named Mexi"

Who was the last person you were under a blanket with?
idk

When was the last time you were, under the stars for a long time?
lol im in NJ..what stars?

Has anyone ever crawled through your window?
noo =]

Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all?
sadlyy yeahh

Last time you saw the last person you kissed?
Febuary somethingg

What was the best thing that happened today?
i drove the car.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
no

Do you smoke?
when i want to

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
noperss

Do you listen to your friends when they tell you a boy or girl is bad for you?
i take it inter consideration but i dont exactly listen. but it sucks because its all i think about when im around them

When was the last time you cried and why?
i was upset;;last night

Gallows

I dont know if i mentioned this before but..this year's Warped tour was pretty good thanks to one damn good band that have been my one "discovered band" thanks too Warped.
the Gallows a pretty dang good hardcore?/rock/heavy metal? /punk? i guess that and some more retarted genres that are out there that could label them. Theyre from Englandd haha and when you see them you'll surely be thinking to yourself this is the modern day Sex Pistols or something because the lead singer Frank Carter.. aka the coolest mo'fo' around who knows how to put a truly good live show. Which, may i add, during their set at this years Warped tour I found myself WANNTING TO GET HIT BY POEPLE. omg the testerone & anger & comrodery that is sparked and catalyizd by this man is one that amazes, scares, and gives you so much respect for this dude.
My first time that i had seen them was i believe at the 2007 Warped [which is like my 2nd favorite warped that Ive been too] now that 2009 is my favorite..a good chunk of it because of themm.
I remember watching Underoath & coming out of their pit with Sangina, Tim Hunt and his sister Maura and I know Sangina and i were feeling mad kinda offended by Underoath and their breaks to personally Thank Jesus. So i remember leaving and having them follow & me and Maura saw that ginger Frank! haha of course myself being the avid fuse watcher i remember seeing clips of their crazy set and so i went by. Dude..not many people were there but by the time i left there was an impressive crowd at their stage. & Frank sang and came down and tried to get people to mosh and shit..and ended up spilling beer on us..which he pantomimed jizzing on us [hot lmao]. He was mad aggressive and just fun to watch. When I left the pit i remember walking BY him and him just like looking at me like i was gonna go up to him ..but i didn't because at that time i just..I still probably dont have the balls for it.

But this warped! I knew that Jimmy Johnson was a Gallows fan and that they have had to become somewhat of a bigger deal than last time. It just cant NOT happen. I remember planning ot fear the Gallows pit.. but to find myself to be HAVE so much fun in it; WAY more safer than the Anti-Flag pit. & probably the most organized pit on Warped. Frank was able to keep it organized by being the ring-leader & it was a lovely time. Haha i Even got his water..as well as having jimmy spit it in my face.. omg im sure tooooo many poeple saw that... [[I LOVE TIME WITH JIMMY BTW]]
aFTER their set we found their merch tent which i had been so diligent in trying to find and so i could meeet their awsome ENLGish ACCENTS ahha.
I got my paper signed & a few pics::


























haha yess its very embarassing picture.. i dont take pictures with people that make me nervouss




























Just know i NEVER ever mean to show my braces when i smile




& heres this maad good song from their older album

Gallows- 'Just Cause You Sleep'


Pour some petrol
Through your letter box
Put all my memories
In an envelope
Then set it on fire
Then send it straight to you
When you get it
The least you could do
Is choke on the smoke
And let me breathe again
I know I never want to fucking see you again

I watched you burning
With the keys in my hand
You were screaming 'fucking let me go'
As you were turning black
The crowd go wild
And they signal applause
Well done for getting this far
Don't expect an encore when you
Choke on the smoke
Let me breathe again
Because I know I never want to fucking see you again

Goodnight sweetheart
Can you hear what I say?
I broke both your legs
You broke my heart today
You're lying in this bed
With your eyes tight shut
I'm lying next to you
Thank god I just woke up

Dont mind me if,,

i just bust out speaking farci...I have been getting these like farci-speaking reflexes ever since like Wed. night--like last WEEK haha.. its like boys seem to spark it when they do stupid shuttff like ill say stuff that translate to: "boy" ; or "go to sleep" ; "what are you saying"


dude i dont wanna say it buttt... iwantabogie

Summer summer why dont you kill me?

August has so many birthdays in it..it is giving March a run for its money.
So happy (belated) birthday too Ahm, Ashley, Aaron Wheeler, Shilwali, Anisa..and whomver elese birthday it is or has been.
for some weird reason i get along fairly well with Leo's.

I forgot how good black nail polish look on my hands! haha.

Friday is my last day of my 4 week shtick at UBS building in Midtown.. where Ive been keeping the BBDO bathrooms in tip top peepee-ing shape.
I listen to so much music and take my head phones in and out so much there like falling apart. =[
..dude, i got so mad at Sangina today she like told my dad how much money i had on me.. that girl cant keep her lil liped mouth shut for shit.

..its going to be a month since I got my license soon. haha even though i am going to have had my license for a month i still dont plan to go on a major highway anytime soon lol.
OMG ive like fell in love with the way some kids drivesss. haha with his fast Acura car.. Im not dropping names but they got skills.. i dont mean to bragg for them.

But i hate he way some kid who drives a Dodge, drives.. you suck. [im not dropping your name either..but you suck]
I want a car! lol Im always on the Garden State, when i ride the NJ tranSIT, lol i see all these cars.. and omg i need to make a list of the type of people that ive noticed drive the kind of cars..
i cant believe its gonna be done in two days!! =]
i hope that i have a nice summer revival when im done.
-- =/ my mom just told me i should do another weeek.. i dont wannnnntt too im goonna take up tennis or skateboarding.. i want a skateboard! lol dude i should make a list of shit i wanna splurge my money onn!! haha.. of course its just a wishful thinking and IMAGINARY list hah

dude im gonna help myself to some cookies!!! Peace bitches.

ps- I am in love withh :

Youtube-ness

mGmT- Kids




poor baby!

im tired.
im just starting to get a tan.
Warped is on Sunday @ Monmouth Park the tickets set me back $133
I got my provisional drivers license and my mom is being an asshole about it..she thinks its like a permit--its not.
Im so tired
im so bitter.
i just want to die

Show me to the lost & found

I keep loosing my stuff!
Friday I had lost my sunglasses
Today i lost my ipod.
NOT COOL
tomorow is my brothers birthday. He's turning 25? Tomorow is the day i have to get all my parking done correctly

horoscopes on dull days

Just right now I was in the bathroom with my sunglasses on and i was trying to fix my hair to a way that could be ambigiously good looking. I had my dad trim my bangs for me even though i had my bangs trimmed and styled for a certain look. Basically something crawled in my butt and made me want to trim my bangs and make it look better, even though now that i look back it was fine the way it was. So now i have these ghetto cut bangs and i have to grow them out or basically go to get it re-cut the way i want it to be done..in conclusion I FUCKED UP on my hair - my bad!
Getting back to the story at hand lol, i was trying to shuffle my hair and stuff so i could go for a walk. But as i was doing that so i could have some fun in my day and just get out of whatever stuff i was NOT doing. I had wanted to give myself an enjoyable day or some kind of adventure especially when im in Queens. To me summer isn't official in anyway unless it had some Queens in it. Ever since i was younger the fondest memories were in Queens with the smells, excitement, wasting of the time, the timeless feeling that comes with everything. It has been over this stay where while I have been waiting for this satisfaction and fufillment of summer to come, and over the past 4 days or so that I have learned about respect and people around me and my relationship with my family. Ive also noticed a lot of things that Ive been doing and my behaviors toward things and how it won't get me anywhere unless i mature. From last night when I was with Ashley, my best friend since 4th grade, we were catching up and even though we had grown up and grown up apart from each other when we were talking the friendship just felt natural and it had back to back stories. Most of the time we couldn't finish one topic without starting another..thats how much we had to catch up. lol and of course it wasn't enough time.
It was also last night that I had become so low and down except this time it wasn't me who was putting myself down but from an outside source and I just took it. I let it really hurt me, but i had a little help from a friend who was guiding me. Im happy I didn't let them know that they hurt me and looking back it really amuses me and I kind of pity them because im pretty sure they were jealous of me lol seriously though no kidding

& the question is: Was a more alive than I am now.
I happily have to disagree.
I laugh more often now
I cry more often now.


I used to feel as though those lyrics applied to me.
But right now i dont.
But its ok, because everything should be ok.
Right?
Is it wrong to be hopeful?
Maybe because im having a cute hair day things feel ok.


heres my horoscope for today [which hasnt been really wrong]

Be on the lookout today, It's easy for everyone to get too wound up in their feelings and you could find yourself caught up in more dramas than you ever anticipated when you woke up this morning. Diminishing returns can tire everyone out, turn hope to disappointment, and cause general confusion today, so if it looks like it's a loss to start out with let it go!

Warped 09.

..dont let it pass you by!
I hope i dont let it pass me!..its not that far off. I need to get my tixx by tomorow.
I think i may take the train but I honestly dont know. Tomorow Im gonna remind my parents about it & gonna give Wazina a call.
Last year Wazina couldn't come because it was on like a monday or something. So Adam volunteered as though he needed to or something..I dont really know.. but he spent the day just drinking in the sun & made us leave somewhat thru it.
This year I hope that I will have my license so it may be better but 1 con amongst all the PROS is that its not in Old Bridge this year. But today Jimmy Johnson told me he passed by it and its like 30 minutes by train. Mass transits never too bad of an idea. Especially when its somewhere we dont know the backtrails and shit of.
I hope that i won't be forced to come home early this year. The line up is soooooooo amazing it could only NOT be in Old Bridge.

• A Day To Remember
• A Love Like Pi
• A Skylit Drive
• Aiden
• Alamance
• Alana Grace
• Alexisonfire
• All Time Low
• Anti-Flag
• Attack Attack
• Bad Religion
• Bayside
• Big D and the Kids Table
• Black Tide
• Breathe Carolina
• brokeNCYDE
• Chiodos
• Dance Gavin Dance
• Dear And The Headlights
• Dirty Heads
• Dr Madd Vibe Experiment
• Escape The Fate
• Flogging Molly
• Gallows
• Hit The Lights
• HTM
• I Set My Friends On Fire
• ice nine kills
• In This Moment
• InnerPartySystem
• Ionia
• Jeffree Star
• Less Than Jake
• LIGHTS
• Longway
• Madina Lake
• Meg and Dia
• Middle Finger Salute
• Millionaires
• Monty Are I
• NOFX
• P.O.S.
• Pull The Pin
• Saosin
• Scary Kids Scaring Kids
• Senses Fail
• Settings
• Shad
• Shooter Jennings
• Sing It Loud
• Streetlight Manifesto
• Switchblade Killers
• TAT
• The A.K.A.s
• The Architects
• The Blackout
• The Devil Wears Prada
• The Maine
• The White Tie Affair
• There For Tomorrow
• Therefore I Am
• TV/TV
• Underoath
• VersaEmerge
• Walk Off The Earth
• Westbound Train

that the most amaing list of bands ever

Going no where fast

im super upset.
all i can put into words is that my parents are so controling and see things in the craziest of perspectives. Their logic makes no sense and it makes no sense to me. I cant do anything or go anywhere.
Its like they expect me to be their only happiness.
Its not my job. i want out.

FREEZE: 9/22/09

• tomorow is the last day of school! I have my auto and french final.

I hope that Julian brings in one of his spectacular sandwiches in for me... theyre so good. I hope i dont get too many dirty looks from mr. Meyer and that the final isn't too tricky.
OMG the French final, i know is going to be like the longest and worse one! Because i havent studied and i barely prepped for it. I just have no motiviation or care for it..although i want to do well. For the other Finals i had taken i was thinking about seeing Sheila the whole time & thats quite strenuous thinking and dreaming on my part since i dont want to jinx it for myself but i just cant help but wonder about what the next three somewhat vacant months may bring me or what may happen.

-- so yeah tomorow LAST day-- i can say so much about this school year. But im gonna leave it at this was the year that i realized that i have control over my life yet I dont.

• Today i was praying and really just in the zone and out of nowhere i was like "dude, i should go and volunteer at the mosque in the Harbor over the summer!

Today at Dinner my Dad was like go volunteer at the Library which all for.. but its already filled im sure.
But the mosque.. why not try and find out and just go. It'll be good deeds and a different experience plus, ill get to go to the Harbor!
I hope my parents are gonna be somewhat enocuraging and not give me a lecture about it.. ugh just thinking about it discourages me.

• WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN IRAN? i feel as if this thing has been blown out of proportion and escalated to levels where a revolution is quite inevitable at this point. Iran wasn't really due for a revolution especially with their state with the Americans and everything. Who knows what irrational happenings may occur, I just wish that things turn out of the better--SOON. And i cant help but wonder how much the American government in some ways help escalate the whole voter count conspiracy.

Today was technically the last day of school. uhh good fuckin' riddance I cant wait till it is offically done. I hope that I made the decent amount of acquaintences for the summer. I hope the summer doesn't go by too quick. I dont want to keep talking about the summer because then ill vision it & ive come to kind of learn that if i visions arent very good to me. haha

So today I was looking at some Less Than Jake songs because i always kind of liked them but never REALLY got to love them. I downloaded the song "The Science of Selling Yourself Short" because their sound in that song is just my favorite. So I contacted my "boi"Jimmy Johnson and he suggested: The Science of Selling yourself Short; All my BFF's are Metal Heads && The Rest of my Life.

Let me sharee and hopefully you can see what i see in them.


Less Than Jake - The Science of Selling Yourself Short


I've come to my senses,
That I've become senseless,
I could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships,
Every last conviction, I smoked them all away,
I drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
Someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,

[Chorus:]
I'll sing along,
Yeah with every emergency,
Just sing along,
I'm the king of catastrophies,
I'm so far gone,
That deep down inside I think it's fine by me,
I'm my own worst enemy

I could be an expert on co-dependency,
I could write the best book on underage tragedy,
I've been spending my time at the local liquor store,
I've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor,
So I sit and wait and wonder,
"Does anyone else feel like me?"
I'm so over dosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy

[Chorus]

Let the meaning slip away
Lost my faith in another day,
Self deprication seems okay,
I never thought I'd make it anyway

[Chorus]

I'm my own worst enemy [x5]




you dont hear this part in the video
(VOICE OVER (this is a fair request and i promise i will not
judge any person only as a teenager.
if you will constantly remind
yourself that some of my generation
judges people by their race, their belief, or the
coulor of their skin
and that this is no more right than saying all teenagers
are drunken dope addicts or glue sniffers)

Do you think it's strange
that there's a way of how you look and,
how you act, and how you think
and pretend they're not the same as you (x2)

Do you know about his strength in convictions
or how she puts all her faith in religion
Did we take the time
to really discover how little we know about each other?

Keep us from saying anything
can't separate from everything.
Yet all this really means
you're one in a crowd and you're paranoid of every sound
another friend you won't miss anyhow

Do you think it's strange
that there's a way of how you look and,
how you act, and how you think
and pretend they're not the same as you

Do you know about his strength in convictions
or how she puts all her faith in religion
Did we take the time
to really discover how little we know about each other?

Keep us from saying anything
can't separate from everything.
And all this really means
you're one in a crowd and you're paranoid of every sound

Keep us from saying anything
can't separate from everything.
And all this really means
you're one in a crowd and you're paranoid of every sound
another friend you won't miss anyhow

Do you know about his strength in convictions
or how she puts all her faith in religion
Did you take the time
to really discover how little we know about each other?

Keep us from saying anything
can't separate from everything.
And all this really means
you're one in a crowd and you're paranoid of every sound (x2)

paranoid of every sound (x2)




I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone on those Jersey nights, and I
Saw the boardwalk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners of this town, and I...
Late last night, I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth

It's gonna kill me... The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life

This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I'm screaming out for a second try
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell me the truth

It's gonna kill me... The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
I've got to live with them rest of my life

This is the mess I've made
These are the words I can't erase
This is my life support, shutting down, for the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life

If you won't forgive me
The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life...

im still aliive!!


My uncle who resides in Denmark just left tonight.
He stayed for a couple of weeks. He came here when the Calavleers were still in the playoffs. ha

My throat hurts quite a bit. Wish i knew where my chapstick was

It'll soon be years and Ill be a vague dream. A figment in your memory of a time much bigger than you and I would ever matter

I loved her fancy underwear. Sat behind her every year to be able to tell her that im the 1 she should be with She had it all figured out Loved me with a </3

Ive been feeling : Dull as coat hanger Pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh IV Giddy as a gang banger

Top 20 Fav. songs bc of its lyrics

City Noise - Scarling

"City Noise"

Another crowded dance floor
Another empty glass
Another failed hello
It's your alibi
Another splendid lie
It's the bruises that you can't show

It's another lonely sunset
Another starless sky
The nervousness inside
It's the final kiss from a lover's fist
It's the reason why you can't cry

It's a violent reaction
The mixtape in your heart
The answer you should know
How we complicate, a simple mistake
It's the face you make when I go

And we tried to change
The city noise made us strange
So we plugged our ears and learned to fight
We set the stage but we could not engage so we cut all ties by candlelight

Another deep depression
The calm before the storm
The shaking in your head
How you sacrificed - how you paid the price
All the words you wish you had said

It's the rawest of emotions
Drinking to forget - names written in the snow
It's the anxious feel - purging your last meal
It's the secret that you can't know

And we tried to change
The city noise made us strange
So we plugged our ears and learned to fight
We set the stage but we could not engage so we cut all ties by candlelight

:EDIT:currently listening to First To Last album dear Diary my teenage angst has a bodycount && it seems to be the only thing to help things make sense

2+0+0+9= $#%#$!

Its just about official: 2009 is the biggest upset year ever!
Anything and everything has left, abondoned, lost interest, and just move on litterally and figuratively without me.
I dont know where to turn or how to turn. I dont even know how to explain it correctly or even how to react other than wonder why

Ill make my sins, right here, with my friends

ILL MAKE MY SINS, RIGHT HERE,
with my FRIENDS.
-- i know its stand instead of sin. but i think sins is better


::EDIT::

The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle - A Day To Remember

Here's a middle finger
Coming straight from oca-l-a
I appreciate your judgement
it's proved that I can't trust a word you say
those must be some pair of binoculars
that you see every move I make
so I'll never be a liar
but you'll always be two-faced

You'll get what's coming to you
You're blinded by your instincts
I'm not your fucking game
I'm not so easily beat

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made
and I can't believe that I stayed
So unhappy for so long
Where did I go wrong?
I've got to get out of this
my hand is on the handle
We're leaving everything behind
Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll rip that scandalous bitch in two
We'll bring the noise

Try to pretend that I never even knew your name
'cause everything you are disgusts me
(Too bad I can't turn back time)
So I wouldn't be here
what I'd give for you to disappear
so tell me girly how's your edge?

You've got nothing better to do
I know why you can't see straight
I thought you were better than this
but you're just like everyone else

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made
and I can't believe that I stayed
So unhappy for so long
Where did I go wrong?
I've got to get out of this
my hand is on the handle
We're leaving everything behind
Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends

Get low
Now I know who my friends are
I'm never coming home

Baby stick on me im gonna stick on you & if you pick me, baby Ill pick you! Z-A-R-I-N-A Ima put it on youu

This song makes me wish I was in a gospel choir

::EDIT::
I want her voice!!


& im not going back. To the rights or in the hole& our bruises are a comin' but we will never fold.
&I was your silver lining as the story goes..but now im gold

Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley

April showers bring May flowers ...right?!

Jimmy Johnson says that STD's are hip, like keychains

..i should really try to let my eyebrows get a little thicker if my habit of picking at them will persist. They get so thin & on 1 side especially

I want to draw you a floorplan of my head and<3.

I want to draw you a floorplan of my head and heart. I want to give directions how it forgives. What you'll be looking for.
[floorplan- tegan&sara]

::edit::

Floorplan - Tegan And Sara

I want to draw you a floorplan
Of my head and heart
I want to give directions
helpful hints

What you'll be looking for
What you'll be looking for

I know I'll hold this loss in my heart forever
I know I'll hold, I'll hold
I know I'll hold this loss in my heart forever
I know I'll hold, I'll hold

All eyes are on me now
All eyes are on me now

I want your lungs to stop working without me
I think about writing you
I thought about calling you
What was I looking for
What am I looking for

I know I'll hold this pain in my heart forever
I know I'll hold, I'll hold
I know I'll hold this pain in my heart forever
I know I'll hold, I'll hold

All eyes are on you now
All eyes are on you now

I shouldn't go
But I can't really help it
When I feel this pressure
I shouldn't go
But I can't really help it
When I feel this pressure

All eyes are on me now

I shouldn't go
But I can't really help it
When I feel this pressure
I shouldn't go
But I can't really help it
When I feel this pressure

I shouldn't go when I feel this building
I shouldn't go when I feel this building
I shouldn't go but I can't really help it
When I feel this pressure

Ranting about my mothers contradiction

My whole teenage life Ive advised not to talk to Afghan boys. Which means that I dont converse with peers too much & now my mom wants me to call some random ppl and talk to some girl to get her address.. I think i have the right to bitch about it a little. But when she brings up my friends for no fucking reason i say: fuck that! I dont have to do anything & if i really have to ill go down with rudeness blazing

a little dream that stuck in my head long enough

Last night i had two dreams. The 1st dream i dreampt that my mom had another little baby and & it was so cute, we were also not living at home.2nd dream was that this boy in my auto class, jeremy k, sangina and i ran away from our auto teacher

A diva is a female version of a hustler ("hussala")

"i thought she was perfect, she thought I was perfect too. Perfect until she found someone new"
Plain White T's [Take me away]

Feeling really shitty and cynical and clinically depressed about college plans. Its almost as though instead of having an arranged marriage I have this. Le sigh

even my dreams are telling me to move on

::EDIT::

















+ =




Before bed last night I had turkey Banquet(tv dinner)& cookie dough icecream& still managed to fall asleep but dude that shit gave me the most restless and best slumber Ive had in a while. I feel as though all the sugar I had was making my dreams more of "smell the coffee" and just the kind of dream i wish i could have the privledge and fortune i could have in reality. Of course thinking back it was weird but I feel as though I have pychie closure on something thats been bothering me

Hot Revolver- Lil Wayne

Im going to say this right now because I'm someone who really has a lot say about anything and everything especially when it comes to music [& baseball lol]. But I gotta say, I am not complaining or have anything bad to say about Lil Wayne's move of getting into the "rock" thing. He's just really mastered, in my opinion, and owned the hip hop community and now that she has an electrice guitar feels as though he has something that the "rock community" wants. It amuses me because to me I dont think there is much of a rock community anymore just an underground, more indie scene. If anything he is going for the pop rock genre and its catchy as shit.

Hot Revolver - Lil Wayne


Young mullah, baby
Umm, young mullah, baby

She says, do you have the time
To listen to me whine
She askin' who's on the other line?
You diss me every time

I tell 'em, baby I'm a star
Shit, I'm above a star
And now I done got so high
I did forgotten who you are
(Are, are)

Oh oh oh, ah, oh oh eh eh
Ah ah
Oh oh oh, ah, oh oh eh eh
Oh oh oh, ah, oh oh eh eh
Ah ah

I'm in love with you
But I can't be with you
Tomorrow I'll be back
Up on the first flight
Right up out of town

Young mullah, baby

Hop back in my spaceship
Girl, I gotta drop your ass off
(Oh oh eh eh)

Last night, yeah we were spaced girl
You love it, girl, I gotta take off
(Oh oh eh eh)
'Cause Imma be here next week
So call your company and take off
Oh oh oh, yeah oh oh eh

'Cause she say, "Wayne, Wayne"
So she got me all impatient
Cry me a river
I can hear my conscious
While I say aloud

Boy, you got a problem
(Problem)
And you ain't foolin' no one
But yourself

You're like a hot revolver
(Hot revolver)
But you ain't killin' no one
But yourself

And so she's gone to party town
On her own
And you go by yourself
So all alone

I told her, I can be with her
But I can't be with her
As much as she like me to
She like me too much
That's the problem

Oh my God, then Shorty be whillin'
And when I say I got to leave
You wouldn't believe
All of the things that she'll do
And all of the things
That she'll say to make me stay
And I be like, 'Damn'

I'll be back someday
But she wanna go with me
To outer space
So we made love in the Milky Way
And then I send her on her way

Boy, you got a problem
(Problem)
And you ain't foolin' no one
But yourself

You're like a hot revolver
But you ain't killin' no one
But yourself

And so she's gone to party town
On her own
And you go by yourself
So all alone

A quarter through 2009-quickie report

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend

4 months have already passed in 2009. A year that started off so much fun and completely sorta hopeful.
Im not sure if its the age or the year or just so happen to be like this but this year I believe has given me such a tough skin and a complete disapoint in many people. I keep finding my self having a highlight or having my month revolve around certain people each month. People who i really am kind of not planning to disclose over the internet. These people all sort of make and utlimatly break my month. I know i shouldn't rely on other but i realize that I do and Im really subconciously reliant on lots of people. With May approaching I am kind of of scared that no one will end up turning up. But even if there isn't I guess thats the month Ill be on best friend. Which helps to sum up the lyrics on top courtesy of Bright Eyes and Conor Oberst with his amazing ways of describing things.

one day..

One day I wont be my worst enemy.
One day, when im not my worst enemy i will be comfortable with myself.
The day that i am comfortable with myself i will be able to breathe better, to see better, to feel better.
When i feel better my i's will become I's and things won't feel as sad.
Less sadness could only mean more happiness.

With my own personal happiness flowing in i can better the people around me.
Better people around me then I'd be helping the world.

hmm one day... i will need a companion.
One day when karma will be on my side and i will be able to get something real and true.

One day i may even be able to write something REAL more real than what i long for in another person.